to stay
by ilvidis
Summary: "I need help."


He bolts upright, eyes snapping open in the cold grey light of precisely six-thirty-A-M, sweating profusely and shaking. He shudders and exhales in an attempt to calm himself from the night terror.

His lover wakes up, bleary yet unsurprised, a fact they both know yet refuse to dwell on. "It's okay." He mumbles sleepily, facedown on the pillow and yawning.

Shulk gingerly eases himself back down into the sheets, damp from his cold sweats. He tries to fall asleep with the warmth of the bluenette for company, but to no avail. He frowns, and settles for watching him sleep, breathing evenly. Peaceful, undisturbed.

A dark stream of thought begins in his mind. He doesn't know what it's like. Not having to worry about everything. It festers slowly as he watches him, sighing and breathing and aggravatingly normal, undisturbed by the sleepless blonde who fell into nightmares almost daily now.

He slips out of bed silently, pulls on one of Marth's thick sweaters over his too-thin frame and dons slippers, trudges out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, sighing heavily as he sets a kettle on the stove. He fidgets as he waits for the water to boil, impatiently looking for the telltale bubbles so he could throw in tasteless tea leaves to help him.

It's barely begun to simmer when he snaps the stove off and begins to search the drawer, carelessly shoving aside teabags and little colored boxes, until he finds a comforting green tin.

Shulk lets the leaves rest in the warm mug as he makes his way towards the medicine cabinet, mechanically measuring out tablets and counting pills upon pills upon pills, until he's got maybe fifty-odd orange pills staring back at him from the countertop.

He reaches for the first one, the skeletal-looking hand shakily moving towards the neat rows he's lined them up in.

He's emotionless, feeling empty save for a shadow of regret at leaving behind the one who cared.

He swallows one. Then two. That's how much he's supposed to take, anyways.

To be happy.

He doesn't hear the distant sound of a yawn, the Altean stepping out to face the morning, the sudden gasp and pounding feet to grab his wrist as he reaches for his third. Shulk's pulse roars in his ears, feels a twinge of something as the startling contact causes him to drop the mug, mess up his neatly lined rows of pills.

He looks down at the shattered ceramic, the amber liquid splashed everywhere, the chaotic disorder that stops his half-assed, stupid attempt, just like everything he'd try to do—

"Shuru…" He hears, when the pulse subsides and he hears the wavering voice, on the verge of tears and afraid.

"Hi." He mutters, unsure of how to feel or react. Trying to remember emotions and social skills he's traded in for the never-ending spiral of anxiety and depression.

He's afraid to look his tether in the eye.

"Why?" He whispers. "Please don't leave…"

"You're just saying that." And as he tries to reach for the bottle, Marth grabs his other wrist and he accidentally looks the bluenette in the eye, the pain piercing through the armor around his heart.

"No...I won't let this happen."

"Let me go." But his heart isn't really in the statement, and he begins to wobble on his too-thin legs, leaning against his lover for support, feeling betrayed by his body and the tears that fall from his eyes, the sudden sparks that arise from his chest, his skin suddenly begging to be held, silently pleading for comfort and screaming for the companionship.

He collapses, finding himself in a strong pair of arms, both of them sinking slowly to the ground.

He feels a light brush of lips against his cheek and hears a soft plead. "Talk to me."

"I can't." He mumbles through tears.

"Please don't lie."

"I can't help it. I don't want you to worry."

Marth can't help but laugh, his voice trembling. "I'm already worrying right now."

Shulk presses his face against his partner's chest, quietly sobbing.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here."

"Marth," he looks up, tears sliding down his gaunt cheeks, "I need help."

"I know, and we're gonna get through this together, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

 **a/n: idk here's more shulkmarth bullshit for my lovely fanbase of 3**


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